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New Horizons 9th Writing Contest(1)

Author: Source: Date:2019-1-25 14:25:22 Popularity:19


First Prize Winners


 YS (G3): Sophie

EYW (G4-G5): Sarah

  MYW (G6-G7): Sofi

UYW (G8-G9): Lillian



Runners-up


YS (G3): Tom

EYW (G4-G5): Shane

 MYW (G6-G7): Emma

UYW (G8-G9): Harry





Young Starters(G3)


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1.Sophie

Teacher's review:Sophie's story shows that she has learned to apply literary devices like simile and metaphor to create good imagery for the audience! This term, she shined when using sequencing and organizing the main events to create well-paced stories. Here is a great example.


Sophie's work:


Adventure Story—The magic forest

Once upon a time, there was a Snow White, a dragon and a dwarf. One day, they went to a peaceful forest to take a walk. Suddenly, a little bird flew by and asked ”Where are you going?” They answered “we are going to the magic castle to have a feast!” “Can I go with you too?” asked the bird “My name is Joyce.” “Of course you can, let’s go!” they all said. They walk together in the path.

They stopped at a long fast river, and they’re thinking how to pass the river. Snow White is very smart , so she knows how to solve this problem.”Let’s cut down some trees to build a boat!” then they started to make some boats. We are ready to cross the river! They chanted. Snow White pulled all the boats to the river. Then they float across the river and landed in a big bump!

“Wow, where are we?”ask the dragon and the dwarf.”I think it is the secret garden!” answered Snow White,”Dwarf, quickly turn us into tiny ants!” The garden is full of beautiful , gorgeous flowers. There are red flowers, green flowers, purple flowers…..They all became tiny ants and crawl behind a big door that was locked.

Snow White let all the people to help her to dig a big long hole. They used 3 hours to dig the hole. Finally, they finish digging the big hole, and they were ready to slide down.”Three, ready, two, set, go!” shouted Snow White. They slide down in a fast speed.

It is so fast that they can’t even see anything! Joyce’s wings can’t even fly faster to catch up with them, so she also slide down. They slide out of the hole just in one minute and flew in the air they landed in the top of the magic castle! Joyce and the dwarf said to Snow White “We have our own magic hammer so we can use it!” “Okay, that will be great” said Snow White. They started to knock the celling.”Oh, no!” shouted the dragon, “we must have knock a bit too far!” They all ignore him but at that moment they began to fall down and down in the castle.

That night, When they landed, they heard some creepy sounds coming from the hall way. IT is bigger and bigger. Suddenly a ghost appeared at their front. “Why are you little guys here? “ asked the ghost “Can’t you see that I am the royal king ghost?””What?” ask the good guys quietly “We are here to go to the feast!” “Ha,ha,ha,ha” laugh the ghost, “At least if you help Joyce get out of the cage!” he grabbed Joyce and lock her in the cage. The ghost disappeared.

“Now what we are all going to do?” asked the dragon.”Well, I have an idea!” said the dwarf”we can bite the cage!” they all started to bite the cage. Day after day, night after night, they finally help save Joyce. They ran to the big feast as fast as a leapord! They ate bread, drunk wine, ate many cakes and other sweets. They were ready to go home!

“By the way, where is the right path that we came here?” asked the dwarf worriedly. “I tie red ribbons to all of the trees we passed by!” said the dragon happily. They found all the trees tied with red ribbons and found their way home. Joyce thanked everyone because of their kindness help. They live happily ever after!


2.Tom

Teacher's review : This fall semester Young Starters students in Huacao center learned how to identify and write using first, second, and third-person perspective. After reading our novel Bunnicula students were asked to write a diary submission from the perspective of any of the novel’s characters using first person. Tom’s submission wrote from the perspective of Bunnicula.A vampire-vegetarian rabbit. His diary article expertly incorporated main events from our novel. But he also retold the events in a way that showed depth and storytelling ability.



Tom's work:

Bunnicula Diary

I hate sunlight, so I slept all day. I didn’t eat anything during the day, but when I woke up,I felt very hungry. Ahhhhh! I found that I was locked in a wooden cage! So I used my magic spell to get out of the cage. This was easy for me.

 

I smelled that the food were in the kitchen. I was sure that no one was in the room but the cat. He was sleeping, so I hopped into the kitchen. It was very dark, but it couldn’t beat me. I could see everything clearly in the dark. I saw the thing called the refrigerator by humans, which they keep food in. I used my big power to open it. There were so many vegetables! Tomatoes, zucchini, squash and many other things! How lovely they are! I love them!

 

I chose a big red tomato for dinner. I used my fangs to bite the tomato to make a hole in it. Then I sucked out all the juice. It was very sweet and delicious, Mmm! I was full and became energetic.I tiptoed toward the door, then I poked my little head out to make sure that no one discovered me. No one was there but the cat, and he was still sleeping . Now I was relieved, I went  back to the little cage and waited for tomorrow night.

 

I was a little worried about what if the cat was not sleeping, what if he was just pretending! Anyway, it was very late, the time was1:00 AM, I didn’t have any energy to think of this. I was so tired that I needed a good sleep. I closed my eyes and wished myself a happy dream.



Early Years(G4-5)

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1.Sarah

Teacher's review : Sarah has written a fun fantasy story that includes a lot of action and suspense. In addition to common fantasy elements like magic and portals, she uses dialogue, good pacing and demonstrates literary devices we learned this term including hook sentences and hyperbole. 


Sarah's work:


The Prodigy

 

I can’t believe I did this, I was stuck here and I thought I would die here! It all started when I moved to New York.

 

Wait, How about a simple background story? Okay, so I’m originally from Atlanta, Georgia, but I don’t usually stay in the same place for too long, I stayed in Atlanta until I was three, moved to San Francisco, then moved to Washington D.C. when I was six and now? Yep guessed it, I’m going to New York. One last thing, my favorite computer game is Prodigy.

 

Now, back to the New York thing, I was sitting in the backseat of a car, waiting to get to my apartment, you see I’ve actually never been in an apartment so I was pretty excited for the move-in. But I was also half bored because I was really used to move-ins. After we got out of the car and settled down in our house, I wasted no time. The last thing I wanted to do was to do some chores with mom. I immediately got my computer out and logged on Prodigy.

 

The last thing I felt was someone hitting me on the back then everything went black. The next thing I saw was a girl’s face smiling up at me, “Woah”, I asked “Who are you?”. “Oh, I’m just Connie, by the way, I really wonder where you came from.” Connie said. “I’m from planet Earth and can I please ask you some questions? Where am I, why I’m here and what you and I are doing here” I asked. I felt better saying “planet Earth” than saying U.S.A., New York. It just felt more right. Connie was freaking out now, she mumbled to herself, “OMG it’s true! The prophecy, I can’t believe it’s true! The stranger comes to unite us all, to help succeed the death king’s fall.” She mumbled to herself, “What prophecy are you talking about?” I asked, “You’re supposed to answer my questions!”. “Oh yeah right questions” Connie said, hoping to hide the uninterest in her voice, “Okay questions. You are on planet prodigy and in Lamplight Town. You are here because you are meant to be here and please stay put while I go outside. One last thing, you must always listen to me no matter what how crazy or stupid things I tell you to do. It’s the only way you can survive. Get it? Okay.” Corrie paused, “Any more questions?” she added. “Corrie? You know the only I want to do is to get back home.” I said gloomily, thinking about how worried mom would be right now. “Going home, no problem.” Corrie said, “You can go home through a portal, which sadly I can’t make. Some powerful wizards and villains such as the Puppet Master can make portals.” Corrie added, “One important rule you want to know when traveling around Prodigy never cross the borders of Prodigy, you’ll get sucked into a different dimension and die.” After that she stepped onto the brick pathway and sank. I mean it! She literally sank like in liquid water! “help” I heard a muffled scream from underneath, I had no choice but to follow her.

 

I had this weird feeling that some kind of force was pulling me when I went down, then it felt more like sinking in quicksand, I’m going to suffocate I thought. Then thump I hit the ground. “what the?” I asked, “Ssshh!” Corrie whisper-shouted as she clamped her hand over my mouth “Stay quiet, or the patrol will find us!” “Whuppu fufff!” I said. I was supposed to say what patrol, but with Connie’s hand clamped on my mouth the only thing I could manage to say was that. Connie somehow knew what I was saying. “It’s the Puppet Master’s patrol silly!” Connie answered. “Ssshh, they’re coming, don’t move.” Connie pulled out a branch from her pocket, a wand I guess. She muttered something under her breath and vanished. Completely, wand and all! “It’s just an invisibility spell.” Connie whispered somewhere in front of me, “I cast it on you already.” She gave me a wand, she was just about to say something when a Prodigy spell came to me, Ice Prison. I mumbled it and then pointed my wand at the patrol. Luckily, the wand that Corrie gave me was an ice crystal wand, so the spell worked. Ice formed along the outside of the patrol, it grew and formed a prison that trapped the patrol, and that happened in less than three seconds!

After what seemed like an hour of fighting patrols, I saw Corrie again. “Oh god,” she said, “The invisibility spells won’t last long.” “Why are we fighting are way through this?” I asked Corrie “It’s no good hurting people.” “This is the Puppet Master’s secret lair, we have to fight through it because it’s for our own good. I figured that I could maybe save someone and you could find someone that could make a portal for you to go back home.” Corrie answered as she sighed. “It’s another patrol!” Corrie said suddenly alert. “That’s not a patrol,” I said “It’s a wizard!”. We quickly hid behind some rocks. Sure enough a wizard with black robes came in sight. He took a glowing orb out of his robes and smashed it on the mud floor. Out came a portal, a real glowing purple portal. “Go!” Corrie whispered in my ear, “After you are in the portal think of where you want to…”. Corrie did not finish her sentence. Out of the blue, four men came and grabbed us. They succeeded in grabbing Corrie but did not get me. After they touched Corrie, she vanished. I escaped thanks to my kung fu training and I jumped into the portal.

 

Being in the portal was weird and I bet there was no gravity. You were as light as a feather, floating around aimlessly. I quickly made my wish to go back home. First, I felt a force pulling me along, then l felt gravity. I landed lightly on my bed with a soft flump.

 

Being a hero is hard. Connie was a hero to me. Next time I ever go to Prodigy I will be Connie’s hero.   


2.Shane

Teacher's Review:This semester Early Years students in Huacao center were introduced to writing opinion essays with a three-part thesis. This style of writing requires students to not only have a sound argument but also to incorporate well-crafted topic sentences into each body paragraph. Shane’s submission for the fall semester writing competition expertly stated a clear thesis and tied each aspect of his argument to sound topic sentences and main ideas for each paragraph. His writing also clearly identified major themes from our novel Coraline.



Shane's work:


Coraline

Well, I would be interested if there was a copy of everything in my house in a totally different space somewhere. There is one in the bookCoraline, written by Neil Gaiman. The corridor that leads to the other house, which is a pretty house, but is actually nothing but rats and spider webs, so there is a trap for Coraline. I think that is a fantastic book that every person alive should read because it is full of imagination, used many writing skills, and teaches us lessons.

I love this book because it is full of imagination. First, a corridor that connects to two worlds? No way! Second, a world created by a spider-monster? Ridiculous! Third, souls hidden in marbles, parents been stolen and been put in a snow globe? How funny! Fourth, dolls with button eyes that come alive, and has been controlled by a monster?! Not possible! So, this book is a mystery, and it filled our blank imagination box. Like the prologue of Disk WorldEVERYTHING is possible.

This book used many descriptive writing skills like similes, metaphors, personification……for example, “where it hissed and fizzled and spun”“it was a vicious wind” “like a spider’ s egg case” and we can study them and copy them to our own essay. It is also very easy to understand the meaning of the story because it is full of conversation. Neil Gaiman made several accurate, fancy characters and describes the events very well and detailed.

The biggest reason why, I like this book is because it taught us lessons. Coraline became brave after she found the trick the beldam was playing. She becomes smart after she finds out how to use the stone. She becomes tricky after she finds the 3 souls. When she gets back to her real, warm home, she realized that her real parents and home are always the best.

After all these events, Coraline became tough. She learned how to be brave, be smart, and be tricky. After reading this book, I learned how to have courage, be careful, and never stop your brain thinking. Most importantly, be satisfied with the things you have now, and good things will never come freely.

“OH! There is a beautiful door!!! Let us go in!”  (said Shane the silly head)


Middle Years(G6-7)

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1.Sofi

Teacher's Review:This fall semester our Middle Years Writing class read Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children. The story includes tales of fantastical characters with supernatural abilities. For this creative writing assignment, students were asked to pretend they had found photographs of their family doing extraordinary things and explain how their family could do these amazing things. Sofi’s submission showed mastery of creating a sound story arc with a clear introduction, climax, and resolution. Her story also showcased numerous fine examples of descriptive writing that made her submission vivid and believable.



Sofi's work:

Baruto Doesn’t Have any Fillers

 

Mistu felt envy for the stars. They were so free, free of hate and the burden that she carries. Slumbering until night, where they laugh and glow with happiness and light. Mistu sat there, feeling smaller every moment. Under the glow of the stars that she could not be.

    When the golden light of morning arrives, Mistu climbed down the red brick roof and into the window of the orphanage.

    Grey walls that towered over her, the rows of rusty iron beds. There was also barred windows that are the only object that let moonlight crept in, or let the soft warm glow of the sun flood the children’s dreams with a sweet lullaby. Mistu watched as the children slept their wondrous dreams, and stayed awake to witness the soft warm golden glow of the sun turn into a bright blinding light.

    Mistu reached under her bed and covered her face with a mask. A Japanese White Kitsune mask, with blood red patterns on it. The mask that Mistu’s family gave her for Halloween; they promised to never leave her alone. To help her find her purpose.

    They promised to keep her from harm.

 

    Yet they died the very next day. Leaving her alone.

 

    Mistu didn’t know what happened. After she heard about the news, she felt her head spinning and there was a piercing sound of someone screaming.  Black spots danced over her eyes and she was unconscious. When she woke up, she was covered in spots of red. Her hands were covered in blood, like a glove of crimson. The floor was drowning in it, and all the people around her was laying on the ground. Unmoving, and their bodies lifeless. All the people around her were killed.

    Mistu felt her hands shaking, and her head spinning. She felt her whole body trembling and tears roll down her cheeks. She forced herself to stand, and ran away from the mess. She was only 4 years old at that time and didn’t really know what else to do.

    Now she is at an orphanage; for the past 5 years, there was nobody wanting to adopt her. All the people she knew were gone with their new families.

 She headed towards the attic, and that is where she would hang out most of the time. There was a secret trapdoor near her bed and stay in there for the whole day, resting.

    She walked around the room and stumbled into a chair. Then crashed into a box in the corner in the back. The corner with all the abandoned furniture and things. She doesn’t really go to that corner, and never touched anything there.

    Dust clouded the air, and pictures scattered all over the floor. Some were black and white, but some had color in it.

    Mistu bent over to pick up the fallen pictures. There were pictures of Japanese women turning into a firebird or a cat made of water. At the bottom of one of the more colored pictures, there were the words: Sayomi.

    Sayomi…but that was her last name. Mistu frowned, wondering if maybe Sayomi was a popular last name. She went to an abandoned house that her parents used to use, and hoped to find an answer. 

    It was an old house with vines on the roof, navy and lavender flowers blooming around the house. With a bit of little yellow and orange in cracks and corners, a bit of light and sunshine in the most abandoned places. That was what her parents used to say, to find light in everything.

    Mistu peeked in the house, afraid that she would think back to the happier days that she tries to keep out of her brain. There was a tree that holds the house together, its branches carrying the weight of the house. Mistu thought that it was amazing, like how the more willpower or happiness can carry the heavy weight of pain.

Mistu went to the second floor, where the library used to be. The books were all covered in moss and half of them were stolen. Mistu looked through the mess piles of books on the gigantic wooden bookshelves. There wasn’t any more family with the last name Sayomi. It was quite uncommon, that last name.

    Mistu sighed depressed by the lack of explanation and information of this name. Then, she heard the door crack; Mistu froze.

“Who is it”, the person at the door snarled.

Then Mistu realized that it was her sister!

    Mistu yelled, ”It is me Arashi!”

    “Mistu?”, Arashi said as she entered

    Even though she was overjoyed to see Arashi, it doesn’t make any sense.

Her family was dead.

    Arashi was supposed to be dead.

    “Arashi,” Mistu frowned as she said, ”aren’t you supposed to be dead?”

    “That was what I was going to say!” Arashi exclaimed, “I was told that you were dead!”

    They sighed, thinking that the police made a stupid mistake. They told each other about where they have been and what they have done. Even though Arashi told her everything, Mistu left out the part when she killed the people who told her about her family’s death.

    They decided to live in this house forever as sisters, away from their problems. Arashi told her about the monster in her, and about her ancestors.

    “All the women in our clan tried to control the monster in them, ”Arashi said, “Yet never succeeded. The boys that are born with a monster in them will die because they aren’t strong enough to take the power of the monster. Only the women were stronger and survived. And I followed the directions of past ancestors, and found out about how to connect to our mental space.”

    Arashi trained with Mistu for 2 months. And Mistu was taught that monsters have powers of the 5 elements. Fire, water, wind, lightning, and earth. Arashi was wind and water, which is super rare. Her monster was a gray cat, with the power of all 2 elements.

    Arashi controlled her monster Kiyoshi with threats and violence.

    “It is the only way to do it, ”Arashi said with no hint of regret in her voice, “if you want power you will have to do it too.”

    Mistu frowned, thinking that it wasn’t fair to the monster, is it? So when she went to her mind space, where the monster lives.

    It was there, with its head, arms legs

    “Someday I will destroy humans,” Kitsune snarled, “you will feel my vengeance and my wrath.”

   “I’m sorry Kitsune”, Mistu said as she smiled, “you will never have the chance.”

Mistu walked over into the monsters head. “One day I am going to erase the hatred in your heart, Kitsune.”

    The monster growled and snarled again.

    Later in the night, someone broke into the house.

    “Arashi!”,Mistu yelled, hoping to hear a sound, “Arashi!”

    She went to the living room and saw Arashi lying on the ground.

    “Arashi?”,Mistu whispered as she checked the pulse.

    Nothing.

   “She deserves it”, a shadow in the corner said, “She was the one that killed my clan.”

    Mistu felt her body trembling, the tears that rolled down from her face. Then turned around to look at the shadow clearly.

It wasn’t there.

    So Mistu chased that shadow until she arrived at a park at midnight, then turned to the girl in black.

       "Please don't make me do this", Mistu whispered.

       "She killed my light and my only sun," The shadow said, taking of her coat, "So I killed her clan."

       The girl had raven black hair and purple eyes with a black diamond shape in the middle.  And revealed a large monster purple arua.  She was just about to kill her with a massive sword. A bright yellow and orange arua stopped her.

       Mistu realized that is was her arua.  And her eyes were bright orange with a cross in the middle.

       Mistu fought her and fought her, but realized that she is just a broken person like her. She decided that she will save her.

    She said”You already killed my sister, did it feel better”, the girl looked a bit angrier or sad, ”killing does not make stuff better!”

    “But it hurts!” the girl said.

       "So you should move on," Mistu yelled, "they aren't coming back to you, ans they would've wanted you to be happy. I am as broken as you. So, won't you be my friend? Maybe we can heal each other's wounds."

       So, together, they proved that they were strong.


2.Emma 

Teacher's Review: I asked the class to write a creepy short story instead of doing a traditional written test. While there were some smaller mistakes in Emma's story that could have been corrected in a quick edit, it was well written and included all the aspects of the horror genre that we had looked at throughout the course. Emma wrote about a castle, with zombies, werewolves, and then a vampire, she clearly showed that she had understood the conventions of the horror genre. Overall, this story was well written and contained the best use of Gothic language.



Emma's work:

The creepy story……

 

The sickle moon shone in to the gloomy sky, it was a dark and stormy knighting, and the rain is pouring down like sheets as thick as lead. A lonely crow flew, and dropped like lightning.

No one can live in this habitat…

Accept this old man and the castle……

The wrinkle crawled on his face, occupied his forehead. The side burns are like as it was dyed with white paint, but in his recondite eyes, revealed the devil heart. He owns a humongous castle, with all the unknowns…

The wall is completely tearing apart of the surface, lying on the floor like an abandoned child, nature had snatched it back, trees growing inside, ivy crept on the cracked window, begging for warmth in this freezing winter. It rose up in to the towering sky, the trees on the side turns to horrifying claws, desperate to grab any creature, and crash it into pieces.

Walking in to this sublime castle, passing through the dull grey door, however, in the shone of the moon, it turns to a gigantic mouth, wanted to swallow everything, into its abime stomach. Suddenly, the old man appeared, wearing a black coat, towards you. His step is as quiet as cat.

You stood there, not making any sound.

You saw his face, twisting like a hurricane, and as you blink, it turns in to a vampire, and his mission, is to kill you…

He pressed down the bloody red button on the controller.

Screams. Shouts. Scratches.

Zombies pour out from the 20 or so rooms, with furious e­xpression on their rotten face. Sprinting towards you, wanting to rip you apart into thousands pieces, and left you there, dying…… The walls are all crippled, and looks like if you touch it slightly, it will fall on you, crashing you into an alive meat cake.

However, you survived this disaster, but fell into another, more dangerous one.

Walking up the stairs, hearing the creaking voice bursting from the squeaking fissure, hobbling on the stairs, you can hear the monsters; werewolves crawling and scratching in the room aspire to get out.

Suddenly, you found yourself levitating, like being controlled. There’s no way to turn back…

You are transferred in to a horrible, melancholy room, with vampires waiting, to suck all your blood out, and preserve you in their museum, as a spoil of war.

You felt a sudden pain.

And fainted.

When you open your eyes, you found that your teeth are sharp, your eyes are red, you face is white, and you are thin.

Congratulations…

You successfully turned into a vampire. 

 



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